All I Want
by RainOnMyParadeBitch
Summary: Songfic, All I Want by Staind. Edd wants what he can't have. Angsty, romance-y, one shot. Hardly any swearing, but pretty mature content. Very short two shot.
1. Chapter 1

_What I leave,_

_When you go,_

_What I see,_

_And what you show,_

And as I kissed him goodnight, smelling of euphoria and Eddy, I realized that there is no way in Heaven or hell that he feels the way I do. Of course, we had our nighttime flings, but that was just, well, a fling. It didn't mean _anything _to Eddy.

_And what I guess,_

_And when I don't,_

_Is something you already, already know._

He knew of my feelings towards him, it was quite obvious in my eyes, but he wanted to brush the feelings away. Because to him, it meant nothing. And I didn't care – not a lot, anyways. I would go over to him at night, we'd do our thing, and even though I put any ounce of love into him I had, I still didn't care. As long as I got that meaningless, 'I love you,' at the end, I was, temporarily, happy.

_I can't live without,_

_All I think about,_

_All I want is you,_

And while I say I don't care, and try my hardest not to, I always lie in bed after leaving his home thinking, 'When the fuck did you get into booty call, Eddward?' and being too sick with myself to answer. And all I think about is Eddy. I would think about him, every second of my day. Every gay joke that was whispered while I passed by; it was all Eddy. He was soon becoming the center of _my _universe. But I can't have him – all I want is him.

_You're all I dream about,_

_I can't live without,_

_All I want is you,_

Then there are the dreams, or nightmares. You know, depending on how you see it. But how I see it, well, let me just explain. They start off easy, like a good dream. It's Eddy and I holding hands at the gas station and Kevin and Nazz are snickering but Eddy doesn't care. In fact, I'm the embarrassed one, because he's putting his arms around me, and I'm leaning my head on his shoulder, flushing beet red. But then it gets bad. Nazz is laughing loudly now, and Kevin is too. He's laughing _real _loud, its almost scary. And I'm not sure what he's laughing at. Eddy is laughing now too, his arm around my neck so tight with love it's beginning to hurt. Then it all melts away. So I wake up at 4 A.M., panting, so I call Ed, and he tells me that it's going to be all right. 'One is a lonely number, Double D,'

_The things I do,_

_What I go through,_

_And all I say,_

_When I'm away,_

But I do everything in my body that I can, to make him love me as I love him. I pour every ounce of emotion I can into every bit of love I give to him – because I love him. And I wish I could leave, but I just can't leave knowing that he'll be left alone, with no one to love him, and I will be left alone – no one to love.

_And what I make,_

_The shit I take,_

_Is something you already, already know,_

And he knows I love him – but he doesn't understand how much shit I go through. Has he ever loved someone he can't have for infinity? So I would walk in a fast pace to the other side of the cul-de-sac, quickly so I can't hear the slurs, and the quicker to Eddy's house, the quicker I can say what I mean to.

So I open the door that is never locked, unless I'm there, of course, and hear loud cries. 'Eddy, oh, my, God,' Nazz. So I bolt. Far away. Because I knew what was happening. I ran _so _fast. The tears flew out of my eyes – and I didn't know where I was running. I wondered, as I ran, how many other people he was secretly _fucking._ I also wondered how many he actually had feelings for.

A part of me wanted to turn around, ask him how he felt. But I didn't. Instead, I pulled out my old, crappy, cell-phone, and sent a fifty-cent text message to the number that I had memorized since I was 12. The message wrote: 'No matter how many girls, boys, you've been fucking, I just want you to know that _you're _the one missing out on the love I was about to give you – not me. You're a goddamn asshole, Eddy. And I love you,'


	2. Chapter 2

'_No matter how many girls, boys, you've been fucking, I just want you to know that you're the one missing out on the love I was about to give you – not me. You're a goddamn asshole, Eddy. And I love you,' _

I angrily read the text for the billionth time, and then responded.

'First of all, where the fuck did you get the idea that I didn't like you? What if it was love to me? But no, I'm a slut, right? I'm not going to say Nazz came to me, because she didn't. To be honest, I was tired of your love-y dove-y shit you gave me. So I asked Nazz to come over. It was me, not her. So don't get mad at her. It wasn't anyone else, I swear, Edd. It was just you, honestly. And, yeah, I know I'm an asshole. Fine, a goddamn asshole, and a cheat, liar, _slut, _etcetera, etcetera, but I'm your jerk. And, I'm not gonna say I love you back, but maybe one day I will. I'm sorry. So, sorry, Edd. I hope one day you'd forgive me, though it's near impossible,'

I clicked send, and blinked away tears.

One lie was sent in the message: I did love Edd, more than he knew.


End file.
